kimi wo sagashiteta

... and that's i'd been searching for you in japanese... by my favourite japanese duo, Chemistry. i just bought their cd after a long time ( i don't know why the hell i was deliberating all this while...it deserves my spending on it!!!! ) this song is really nice and sweet... no prize for guessing why the full title's kimi wo sagashiteta ~ the wedding song ~... here's a sample of the lyrics...

Always, always by your side
Here, closer than anyone else
With these feelings, stronger than anything
I'll always protect you
I'd been searching for you

if... IF i ever get married.. i will take this as my wedding song. ho ho ho.

i got moved back to my old place at work today...and hopefully my supervisor won't throw me into some deserted corner again.. though my noise level is going on the high side since irene and karyen's sitting next to me. i'm trying to control.. but that's pretty hard eh. haha... anyway... karyen took a half-day leave today so all that was left were irene and me... and so we began chatting... about everything under the sun.. and i just shot everything at her... she was pretty surprised.. and was left in awe... or so she said... about the extent of negativity in me and the weird... plain wacko thoughts...i guess i scared her quite a bit.

i don't know.. i can't tell some of the friends which i've just known about things like that... cuz i don't think they will see me as normal anymore once they know exactly what's inside of me. i'm glad irene is able to accept this. haha... i asked if i should change since even i think that i'm too... dark and .. passive. she says yes... but then i realized that .. i hate changes!

i'm not a good person. i'm doing everything in the wrong way.. i'm treating my life as a joke. and i hate it when people around me are happy while i'm not. look at me... does that sound like what a good person will do? i'm always jealous... always revengeful.. always not at peace with everything. ...it sometimes just seems like i'm about to reach my threshold and just blow up. irene says it's all because i haven't found my other one yet. but given the weak character that i have... even his appearance won't help i guess.

i'd been searching for you.
when will you come to me?

never. i guess.

listening to: chemistry -- kimi wo sagashiteta ~ the wedding song ~