missed...the chance of getting to know my co-worker before she left the job.

yesterday was the last day for two of my colleagues...well and that's pretty sad... considering that i too want to leave...but am betraying my soul for the sake of notes that will entitle me to material fufilments.

one is a yumin... whom i've never talked to.. or even smiled at for once in the whole of my days there... cuz she always had this really.. sulky face and seriously... she looked so damn.. tensed. i'm not sure if my type of humour will appeal to her. but today i realized.. she's just a friendly and nice person! well the both of us loves jay chou ... for the uninitiated.. he's now THE one in the chinese music scene... totally cool... cooler than anyone else who's out there. and it's obvious we're fellow fans.. because we put his pictures at our workstation.

so there i was... doing my work quietly... trying desperately to meet my output quota ... in the hope that i won't be told to leave... and i suddenly heard my name... turned around.. and saw her running towards me! i suppose anyone will be surprised when someone whom u've NEVER talked to suddenly calls you out and looks like she's found a treasure or something.

ok i was like... " yeah ? " and she came up to me... pinned the picture she had at my workstation and said " this is for you! " and i was SOOOOOO touched... and could nothing but " thanks! " she looked so enthusiastic about it and when zetti... another really girl sitting next to me and thank god for that... asked " why are you giving her this? "

she said " cuz i can see she likes jay chou too! "

awwwwwwww... i swear i so wanted to give her a really nice big hug on the spot. ... and eventually i did when it was almost knock-off time .. and we exchanged hugs... she even came running to me and zetti when she knew we were exchanging ghost stories... this is SOOOOO sad because it's her last day! she looked so happy... and was jumping with joy ... and said she hated this and didn't have to look so sad since she's leaving.... now that explains her sulky face....well i suppose i can only wish her the best!

the other one leaving was that girl i didn't like. right.. i know i sound like a total bit*h condemning her just because we don't click... but.. forgive me... my attitude didn't change much just because it's her last day.

i'm mourning the loss of my conscience.

next wednesday... will be the last day for my other two cliques... lynn and xinmi. i'm not as close to lynn though ... but i'll miss her all the same! we're all going to kenny rogers for a farewell dinner that day... a personal favourite of xinmi's and mine...hehe.

and today.. i was taken off doing the batching of the documents over at my workplace... but i guess my supervisor was sleeping and thus i wasn't informed... partly due to me leaving earlier yesterday... and i was like... saw the in-charge doing it all alone.. and i thought she was angry and was... sorta like ignoring me... and that.. feeling of guilt just drowned me. but then she came to me and gave me a box of chocolates! i was like... yes.. i wanted to give another hug again... and i'm going to get her something as well. maybe some chocs as well..

anyway...today i realized i have an EXTREMELY low guilt threshold... i tend to get so guilty over everything! even when it has ABSOLUTELY or slightly something to do with me... i don't know... it's so easy for ANYONE to make me feel guilty. just give the look and i'm all overwhelmed. and thus i'm GOING to do something about it. like ignoring it or something. i'm going to be really... heartless. and ... totally stone-hearted.

i'm mourning the loss of my conscience.

and also... in a thousand years... i read a book! a... book! how's that?! haha.... it's called "All American Girl"... too lazy to go to my room... get the book.. look at the author's name... come back and type it. anyway...it's about samantha madison.. who's just a really... out-of-place and goth girl...loves no doubt like crazy...and happened to save the american president from some crazy shooter! so suddenly her life changes...she becomes the teen ambassador to the UN... goes on tv... worshipped as a teen hero... and... eventually end up with the president's son, david...

it's a typical story...with expected endings. but it's really funny.... and witty. and a creative setting! haha... well i suppose i'm get into the lovey-dovey mood once again and i can't help it... sometimes i just need to read and learn that GOOD things does happen to .... WEIRD people.

like me. if it ever happens... i'll write a book all about it. i'll write about how i survived high school while being teased at for being plump everyday... how i survived diets that brought me 10kg down...how i survived suicide and recurring thoughts of mutilating myself... how i made it through life without school while everyone is entering college just because i missed the deadline... how i am going to eventually meet this guy ... who's the love of my life and hopefully named josh or david ...how he will make my life so complete...

i'm mourning the loss of my sanity.